So after writing my blog this week about bis in m/m fiction, Wave of reviewsbyjessewave and I engaged in a friendly but spirited debate on the issue via email. She took me to task for my remarks that "guys are dogs," pointing out, of course, that there are scores of gay guys in committed, monogamous relationships. Which is true, and no less than the guy who is arguably the father of the gay rights movement in Canada, Jim Egan, was in such a relationship for decades (I tell his story in How to Make Love in a Canoe: Sex in Canada). So I should clarify my remarks to say that I wasn't singling out gay guys per se, which would be really hypocritical of me if I did. (I still disagree with Wave over men's promiscuity over that of women, but ehh...) And I probably should have made it clear that I was really discussing perceptions anyway as opposed to realities. My bad.
No matter how I bungled expressing my own views, Wave makes some excellent points that suggest I could be way off the mark anyway. Well, I'll let her tell it:
Wave: Here's my take. This is not related to whether the hero is bi or gay: It is simply a matter of readers not wanting to have women in a sexual situation with their gay or bi protagonist because a lot of women who moved to M/M had been fans of het erotica or Harlequin romances for years and were tired of the TSTL women in these books, especially in bodice rippers. Personally I don’t want to read about women having sex, I want to read about men having sex with each other and having a romantic relationship, without all the drama of a woman in the mix. In addition, in most of the books with women having on-page sex with gay or bi men, they are there mostly to have babies. Your scenario of having female protagonists in M/M defeats the purpose of why many readers moved from het romances in the first place - we might just as well go back to het erotica, which frankly bores me to tears.
At this point, Wave quotes me blathering on and whinging in my typical way about HEA, HFN, blah, blah, blah.
Wave: I love gay romances or just gay fiction and I agree with you that not all romances must have an "optimistic" ending i.e. a HEA/HFN, as the Romance guidelines dictate. I would like more realistic endings and some publishers, such as Dreamspinner with its Bittersweet Dreams line, are pushing the boundaries, but these stories will never be as popular as books with HEAs or HFNs no matter how unrealistic the endings are, because most M/M readers come from a background of being fans of "Romance" with a capital 'R.'.
I agree that bi does not mean being a cheater or being promiscuous. By the same token I could say the same thing about being gay. A bi hero is okay in M/M as long as any sex with women happens before he hooks up with the other male protagonist. Most readers read these books for escape from real life. Some of them have been cheated on and have no desire to read about that in their romance books, so in a lot of cases, even if the cheater is redeemed, it leaves a sour taste in their mouths and more often than not they don't feel that he has done enough penance to be forgiven. :( But the major issue is that the majority of readers of this sub genre don't want women in romantic situations with their heroes and there's no way that that will change in the immediate future.
Sorry, I didn't mean to write a book but I wanted to explain why most M/M readers are adamant about no on-page sex with women. However there are lots of publishers, such as Ellora's Cave, Loose Id, Amber Heat, etc. that publish stories with M/F/M or M/M/F ménages, but that's a different breed of readers who love these books, so all is not lost for our bi heroes. lol.
Me again, Jeff. As I wrote to her privately, Wave can write a book here anytime. I can't think of anyone who's done more to promote the m/m genre and especially up-and-coming authors than her. It gives me special hope that she's in the camp of more realistic endings, while sharing my own pragmatism that HEA/HFN will always be the norm, because her site is the place to be. If there any innovative, groundbreaking books pushing the envelope of the genre, you can bet you'll see 'em either promo'ed or reviewed on her site first. And what is great is that despite the bi issue, I think in many ways m/m writers have a lot more room to play around with mixtures of genres, styles and yes, more ambivalent endings than regular romance. Where will we go from here? Not a clue. But it should be an interesting ride.
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